A doctor is giving a talk at a symposium. Like any good public speaker, he wrote his speech out on notecards.
Unfortunately, when he gets up to the podium, he finds that he just can't read his notes.
So, he says to the audience, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"
So this guy died and they had his funeral. They roll his casket out to the hearse and start to put it in, but they lose control of it and it starts to roll down the hill. It picks up speed and soon it's flying down main street. It keeps flying down the hill until it reaches the bottom and crashes through the front door of a pharmacy, coming to rest on the counter. The casket pops open and the body inside shoots upright and looks at the pharmacist.
"Hey buddy, you got anything to stop this coffin?"
Why are there painkillers in the jungle? The PARROTS-ATE-THEM-ALL.
A lady walked into a pharmacy and told the pharmacist that she needed some cyanide. The pharmacist said,
"Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, 'I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! They'll throw both of us in jail!' The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'
What did the angry, dying fungus say to his assassin?
"You're a huge azole!"
A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but hey, there's no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Who knows, maybe it's a good thing.
The next day, the same man comes back to the store, purchases yet another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of the pharmacist. "What could be so funny about buying a condom, anyway?" So he tells his clerk "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes."
Sure enough, the next day the same man is back, he buys the condom, and again starts cracking up with laughter, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk, go follow the guy. About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.
"Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.
The clerk replies "Your house."
A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face.
"What did you do that for?" the man asks.
"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?"
The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still does!"
What do Scots take for fungal groin infections?
A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
The number one joke, is a little harsh, if you are of a sensitive disposition we recommend that you pass on this one...
Three pregnant women are waiting in the lobby of an Gynaecological clinic. They're all happily knitting to pass the time, when one pulls a vial from her purse and takes a pill. "What's that?" ask the other two. "Oh, just a multivitamin - good for mommy, good for little baby."
The other two smile and nod, and resume knitting. A minute later, the second woman takes a tablet of her own. "What's that?" ask the others. "Oh, just a prenatal vitamin; good for mommy, good for the baby."
They all smile and nod, and resume knitting. Finally the third woman produces a vial and takes a tablet. "What's that?" the first two ask.
"Thalidomide. I can't knit sleeves."